you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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