if i died would you start the facebook group?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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