Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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