real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
