I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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