Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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