New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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