So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
