so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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