got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
