I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
