At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
handjob tips. give me some.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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