i was born a porn star she said
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
