just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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