she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
