he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
