just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
