his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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