the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
