I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
