Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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