I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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