Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
