OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
When did angry sex become our thing?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
