i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
