So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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