Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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