I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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