your parents love me but you hate me
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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