I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
