I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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