when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
