I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
