"it" just moved
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
