Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
