Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
