She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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