first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
