so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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