It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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