so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
