So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
