It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
