If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
