i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
