hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
