A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
