Your face is a jimmy john
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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