She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
