Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Even my vagina gasped.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
