Too much gin, very little bucket
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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