First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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